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"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
- Proverbs 3:5-6
November 2020
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Ten Ways to Weed Out Relationships That Don’t Work
Wednesday Aug 14, 2019
We all have limited time and should think about whether we’re spending ours on the right relationships—whether related to work, our social life, or whatever. We should be sure we’re choosing our relationships and not enduring them out of obligation. In other words, before you can fully focus on creating meaningful relationships, you need to weed out the ones that aren’t working—those that are draining your time, energy, and emotional well-being.

Here are a few ways how:

Get clear on your values

Spend time thinking about how you want to live your life and what characteristics you look for in others. It might help to write a list. When you have consciously identified what’s important to you and what makes you feel comfortable and safe, you’ll be able to determine whether those things are present in your relationships.

Pay attention to how people make you feel

Chances are, at some point in your life, you’ve met another person who just didn’t feel “right,” even though you might not have been able to put your finger on why. Maybe you called it a gut feeling or intuition, but you simply knew deep down that this relationship wouldn’t go anywhere good.

Pay attention to uncomfortable feelings

How many times have you ignored that feeling because you wanted to trust someone else, only to regret it when you found yourself in a toxic or draining relationship? It’s important that you listen to your own inner wisdom.
Listen with your heart, not your ears. Whether you’ve just met someone or are spending time with someone you’ve known for years, really listen during your conversation. Look for a lack of congruity between the words being said and the way those words make you feel.

Trust your higher self

You might think that everyone else just loves the new guy at work, but he rubs you the wrong way. Trust yourself. Whether it’s a person, idea, or choice at stake, when you trust what you know intuitively, things will work out for the best.

Let bad relationships go

As you begin to get more comfortable with trusting what your intuition tells you, you’ll inevitably identify relationships that are unhealthy. Realize that it’s okay to extract from a negative relationship or relate to the person on a more superficial level.

Practice forgiveness

If you’ve ever realized that a relationship was bad for you—especially if the other party treated you with disrespect—you might have walked away with hard feelings. Acknowledge your anger or resentment then get rid of it through forgiveness. Refusing to forgive others is one of the most toxic acts a person can commit.

Realize you are human

You must also forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made, including selling yourself short by accepting a less-than-ideal relationship. It may help to remember that right now we are all exactly where we are supposed to be on our spiritual journeys.

Pamper yourself regularly

If you’re frazzled and overextended, how are you really going to be able to show other people genuine concern, compassion, and love? In order to be a fair partner in a relationship, you need to have a good stock of energy and positive emotions. You are God’s creation just like everyone else. You really can’t love others if you don’t first love yourself.

Visualize and expect better

If you spend time obsessing over the relationships in your life that aren’t going well, you’ll end up attracting even more negative people and situations. On the flip side, if you think positive thoughts, you’ll attract positive things, people, and events into your life. With expectation and gratitude, you can send out a simple prayer that you’re seeking to be connected to more positive people.

Practice positivity

Frequent complaints and negativity breed more of the same. Remember that every morning when you wake up, the ball is in your court in regards to how you want to spend your day. You can set the tone for your interaction, as well as change your energy and the energy of those around you.

Nurture the good

Yes, it’s certainly worth your time, energy, and intentions to improve less-than-healthy relationships and to attract wonderful new people into your life. But don’t forget about the family members and friends who have been sources of joy and inspiration for you all along! Make a point to spend meaningful time with those you love. Really connect on a heart-to-heart level!

Whether you give your spouse a hug/kiss or reach out to a good friend, you’ll let that person know that they are important to you…something all of us need for a more meaningful and beautiful life!

By Susan Apollon, author of "Touched by the Extraordinary, Book Two"